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How do you deal with haters?

Fri Jun 13, 2014, 4:25 PM by behindinfinity:iconbehindinfinity:

I got this as a question on my Tumblr, and I felt I could share my thoughts here as well because it seems it's something a lot of people can relate to. I hope this comes to helpful to any of you guys reading.

I’m certain there are people who dislike me. Some I come to know through whisperings because I have eyes everyyyyywheeeeere.

However, I don’t feel the need to acknowledge them or do anything about it unless they are causing any real harm, especially to people I care about.

There is a popular quote that I like referencing for this topic, which gets the message across in a charming way:

You can be a juicy, ripe peach and there’s still going to be someone who doesn’t like peaches, so you can either submit to someone’s criticism of you, or you can get on with the business of being your own amazing self who attracts other like-minded people that appreciate you.” — Dita Von Teese

I used to be affected if I found out someone didn’t like me, but I’ve come to learn that people can have very irrational reasons for hating someone.

Sometimes it is simply because your personalities and tastes are not compatible. And that’s fine and normal. 

Other times, they can take a part of you and twist it and build up their own negative perception and convince themselves that they are right to hate you. But it doesn’t mean that what they think about you is true. Their image of you that they force upon themselves could be due to their own insecurities.

Although I sometimes say this jokingly, I find that in certain cases it’s not just simply “Haters gonna hate.” I also dislike it when people jump to the conclusion, “They just hate you because they’re jealous.” While it can be true at times, it’s not the ultimate answer. Let’s be real here. It is not surprising for people to feel a sense of dislike towards someone who is truly being a terrible human being. Did you do something that merits you being considered a terrible human being? If the answer is no, then good.

Here’s what you can do: If someone openly throws some harsh words at you, take a deep breath and try to objectively consider what they have to say. Maybe you can ask yourself things like:

:bulletorange: Are they actually trying to offer constructive criticism but are  lacking in tact and eloquence? If they seem interesting or intelligent enough, try to converse with them to understand. Maybe you’ll learn something new. If they are just bigots or trolls, pity them for a second, don’t dignify them with an answer or any more of your time, and move on. Be the better person.

:bulletorange: Are they pointing out something you may have done wrong that you weren’t aware of? Do you think they are right? If they are, be humble enough to consider that you might have something to improve on. If they’re not, then just don’t mind them. If someone is really set on disliking you, you’re the last person they will allow to change their minds.

These are just general ideas, because it always depends on the context. But in the end, what’s important is that if you truly believe you did nothing wrong, then disregard them and walk away with your head held high. Hopefully you aren’t a sociopath.

You can’t please every single person in the world. And that’s okay. The people whose happiness and opinions should matter the most are your own, and those of the people you care about and care for you. If you focus on being your own fantastic self, you can feel sorry for your haters because they lost the opportunity to get to know the wonderful person you are.

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makaihana975 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2016  Hobbyist Artist
They hating because they are Tsunderes lolololol (nah Jkz)

But yeah, I like your response above. Demonstrates a good level of emotional intelligence and that sometimes the so advertised 'one size fit all' won't 'fit all'. Just gotta hold our heads high and march on ~ がんばります ジン‐さん
SenpaiHasNoticed Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2015  Student Writer
They hate 'cause they ain't us.
MayJasmine Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist

But no really, this is pretty good advice! I needed it and I'll have to remind myself that I can't please everyone in the world. I'm still affected if someone doesn't like me, or if they talk about me and stuff (I eventually find out because I have eyes everyyyywheeeere too lol)... I guess I'm just the kind of person who wants to show people they can't get away with it buuuuut yeah, still. Why waste time if you know that they're not even trying to be constructive or just... trying, in general? Sometimes it's better to let them go and learn on their own with that kind of behaviour. That way you hold no responsibility of them and they have nobody else but themselves to blame. :P
DestinyWing Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
"You can't please every single person in the world. And that's okay."

I wish could I really believed in that principle. A lot of pressure came into me from my family since THEY EXPECTED SO MUCH OF ME. Especially having a relative who didn't listen slightly of my feelings, they mostly jump into conclusions because I was "too Negative" of the world when they were the ones who aren't helping much of the problem...
I even get the same hatred of being slightly Multilingual in the family, because most of my family were trying to speak in English...and they most of it they were learned by me because I speak in English most of the time and I find it REALLY embarrassing that (GUSTO KO TALAGA MAGMURA) I should have never speak in the language.
terukoizumi Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Lol I met someone in net who seems to hate me a lot, she's forcing the idea that she's right and full of pride.
But seriously I pity this kind of people, I'll just pray for them.
I guess there will always be haters even when someone appreciates you. This is a great post btw, everything is very well said!
RaykuZan Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist

glorifield Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Wonderful advice!
Mauia88 Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014
This is great advice! I'll pass it on to others. ^^
Ai-chan13 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014  Student General Artist
I take your words for advice *bows deeply* and despite the seriousness of what you are saying, I can't help but look at the colours of the caption, Orange and Blue? *the fangirl in me squeal* ahahaha sorry sorry, just trying to lift up the mood a bit.

Anyhoo, personally I am happy to know that they are people like you. Doing what you do and enjoying them really made me happy at times ^^ so keep up the good work and I will keep cheering you on 
princesstutianna Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2014
My kokoro... I needed to hear this Jin-san. Salamat po <3 never stop being the happy, funny, optimistic person we all love :)
crimsonhana3 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
well said! 
professorpat Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014
it looks like the tumblr email/topic on hatin touched on everything pretty good. Everything is 50/50, yin and yang, up or down, half say white, half say black, on just about any issue under the sun. So if your really good at something, say cosplay, and you have a large fan base, there will inevitably be those who look at you and are going to be negative or say something stupid. I know because I used to be like this, now I just realize life is to short, and you Infinity are very gifted, rich with creativity and talent and it is a real joy looking at your work. Just live your life, just like the song tells us!
rocket-child Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2014  Student Filmographer
I like the way you handle the situation.  You can't control the way people treat you, but you can control the way you react to them
11Uehara11 Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Nice ! ^^
Asiandolly Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
I agree on so many levels with you!
BBChild Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014   Traditional Artist
This.  Is.  Amazing.  <3
EgyptianStargazer Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014  Professional Filmographer
Great advice :) This should be posted everywhere.
fsuharja Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2014
i should have read this 8 years ago

so i could keep up with my family and my school friends who bully me for reasons that i don't and do not want to know

well said !
ULTRAntaraniaManga Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol, I'm a bit of a sociopath. Oh dear.
ULTRAntaraniaManga Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
theBESTsithlord Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2014
This was very well said! Thank you for posting it! I hope you don't mind, but I forwarded this to my blog:…

I think this is something that people should hear.
Michiaki Featured By Owner Edited Jun 16, 2014  Student Artisan Crafter
Nicely said ♥
perfectshadow06 Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2014
This advice really made my day! I've been feeling insecure lately....but reading definitely helped me at appreciating myself and understand others! ^///^

Best advice today! :star:
SamuraiNinjaNeko Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014
That is very true. There's always going to be someone out there that will try to bring others down some how. This is great advice on how to deal people like that.
pohcbSonic Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
just ignore them, jin.

Sometimes, things do surface at the cosplay world. In Singapore, there is. But just ignore them. as long as your conscience is right, there's not much you can do about it.
HikariNinjaX Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014
Thanks for writing this, I needed it.
faeorain Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Very well said :thumbsup: Great journal!
Keyshe54 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014   Traditional Artist
That is rather insightful advice, I really like that you reach down and brought up there can be legit criticism and just plain incompatibly. I've also seen from some 'haters' just be totally misunderstanding and can't tell the difference from past augments from the one they are raging on too. There's been many people I've talk to calmly and found that out. Some realize that's whats going on and others, can't admit and just stop talking.
The fact is you can't please everyone, and you shouldn't have to. That is just to much of a burden to carry on your shoulders. But like you said, how one deals with it is another matter. When I was younger, I took everything to heart and I was not in a good place, and I became a bitter person and I always thought I had to fight back. In the end I realised, that their opinions certainly weren't mine, and had to let it go. I wasn't going to let them control who I was anymore, and accepted that not everyone was going to like my quirky behaviour, and left it at that.

Now I am a mother of two, and when people say things, I listen to the words, and think, they mean nothing to me, they don't know the real me, I don't know the real me sometimes, and let their words disappear in thin air. If that bothers them, then it becomes their problem not mine.

Thank you for sharing your ideas on this, and I hope it helps others with this subject.
nicoxmel Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
I can't really think of a reason people won't like you. Well I don't really know your character but I believe the main cause would be jealousy. Thanks for the advise anyway, it helped:)
bubblySHIRO Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Agree much.. 

thanks for this Jin-sama Lovely Shoujo (Lovely Heart Dance) [V4] 
Samy-Consu Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014
wow wonderful words!!Meow :3 
thank you for these suggestion. 
we think you're right in how you expressed on this kind of unpleasant events;) (Wink) 
ChrisWoorPhotography Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014   Photographer
Those who matter, don't mind. :)
Those who mind, don't matter. :(
Witchiko Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
You're totally right :3
ElenaMegan Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014  Student Digital Artist
This really helped me a LOT! Thanks, Jin! :DDD
eevee06121992 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Good journal :clap:
NordicAngel Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I couldn't agree more!
WayOfTheNinjaFTW Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
from how good you are, in my opinion, you shouldnt have haters anyway :P ^_^
PrinceCaeruu Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014
I agree. :)
IroquoisPlissken Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014
This is great.
red-winged-angel Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Zeraphalanx Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014
Dita Von Teese speaks massive truth.

No matter what you do there is always someone out there that will not like you.
Your general ideas are simple and effective and gets to the point. :thumbsup:
DaffodilLion Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That's the best outlook on haters, I think :)
I feel sorry for haters because they appear to not have anything else to do, but at the same time I kind of wish they could try to be a bit nicer first. Oh well, as you said, you can't please everyone ^^
MrsNox Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That's a good post. :-)
lacelazier Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014
Thanks for the advice, Jin!
annaoi Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Very well said :)
chicharrria Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
True... they're there to suck the life and happiness we have, if you let them
hexlord Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Pretty true~
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